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10 different but equally enjoyable kinds of masturbation sessions

Image: Carol Yepes/getty images

May is National Masturbation Month, and we’re celebrating with Feeling Yourself, a series exploring the finer points of self-pleasure.


Masturbating, like ice cream, comes in many different flavors. 

Since getting off doesn’t require another person, the possibilities of where, when, and how you do it are seemingly endless. Sometimes it’s an unexpected endeavor and other times it’s a planned event. 

The good thing is is that you get to be in control of your own nut, and — with a few exceptions like work and social acceptance — you can get it whenever you want. Even if you have a partner, sometimes it’s just better to take matters into your own hand. 

Without further adieu, here are some various forms of masturbation:

1. Boredom

Sometimes, Netflix gets stale and all that’s left to do is chill. And by chill I mean masturbate. On those occasions when the Instagram Explore page is no longer worth scrolling, explore yourself instead. 

Turn your phone off and get off.

Turn your phone off and get off.

Image: Getty Images / PhotoAlto/Odilon Dimier

2. Unexpected moment of horniness 

This is the kind of masturbation that happens on a whim. One moment you’re watching Killing Eve, and the next you’re humping the couch. Nothing in particular spurs the sudden moment of horniness, but once it’s arisen, it’s got to be dealt with. 

Well, I  guess it's time.

Well, I  guess it’s time.

Image: Getty Images / EyeEm

3. While your roommates aren’t home 

Perhaps one of the best atmospheres for fondling oneself is in an empty apartment or house. You can be as loud and unabashed as you want. 

Ah yes, the perfect opportunity  to , uh, juggle your fruit

Ah yes, the perfect opportunity  to , uh, juggle your fruit

Image: Getty Images / fluxfactory

4. While your roommates are home

Having roommates is a total ball buster when you’re trying to bust your balls. They don’t need to stop you from pleasuring yourself, though. Just tell them you’re taking a nap. Or use the old sock-on-the-doorknob trick. Getting your nut while the roomies are in the next room can be stressful, but it doesn’t mean it’s impossible. 

Get out! Leave! Right now!

Get out! Leave! Right now!

Image: Getty Images / yacobchuk

5. Anxiety

According to Planned Parenthood, masturbating can be a huge stress reliever. While it might be difficult to get in the mood while you’re having a panic attack, it may help extinguish said panic. Big test? Masturbate! Job interview? Masturbate! 

No idea what she's doing under the table but it definitely feels anxious.

No idea what she’s doing under the table but it definitely feels anxious.

Image: Getty Images / Tom Fullum

6. High

With the rise of legal weed, it’s no surprise that many indulge in masturbating while stoned. According to Vice, there’s strong evidence that cannabis does indeed make for a more powerful orgasm. So puff, puff, pass-turbate. 

Alexa, order me some CBD lube, please.

Alexa, order me some CBD lube, please.

Image: Getty Images / EyeEm Premium

7. Mutual  

If your partner is down, masturbating mutually can be an exciting experience. It gives both parties a chance to show off how they tickle their pickles. Plus, it could bring you and your partner closer— literally. Like the Beatles once said: “Come together, right now!” 

It takes two!

It takes two!

Image: Getty Images / Portra images

8. Bedtime 

Why settle for a glass of warm milk when you could just get off instead? Nothing inspires a night of delicious dreaming like an orgasm before dozing off. 

Masturbating > melatonin

Masturbating > melatonin

Image: Getty Images / Colin Anderson Productions pty ltd

9. First thing in the morning 

Masturbating first thing in the morning can be choice, especially after having a particularly spicy dream. 

It's time! To masturbate.

It’s time! To masturbate.

Image: Getty Images / YakobchukOlena

10. In the shower 

Given the wet and private nature of showers, they’re a reliable spot for masturbating. And you don’t need to worry about clogging your pipes with semen. That, my friends, is just a college campus-birthed myth.  Also, soap is NOT a lube. 

Kill two birds with one shower.

Kill two birds with one shower.

Image: Getty Images / MilanMarkovic

So, what’re you waiting for? Turn yourself on and get yourself off. Give yourself a hand. You deserve it. 

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