Here Is President Trump’s Craigslist Ad For Comey’s Replacement

Needed ASAP: Person to lead group of other people interested in law and/or justice.

  • Previous experience unnecessary ― okay if law/justice is more of a hobby.
  • Must hate speaking to Congress. The very thought of it should make you physically ill.
  • We need a team player, someone who is pretty good at following the law, but isn’t obsessed with it.
  • Also shouldn’t be obsessed with other countries, like … I don’t know, Russia, or something.   

Abraham Lincoln painting ORIGINAL $200 obo

Many owners, but from non-smoking house. Make an offer. Frame is very ornate and luxurious looking, but not real gold. President who freed the slaves.

Kevin Lamarque / Reuters

Back to the job listing … 

  • Speaking of Honest Abe, no one’s suggesting that you lie, but we’ll all last longer the less people know about the real us. Lying is more like job security around here.  
  • Would be nice if you could go use your resources to go after people I don’t like without me having to ask you. 
  • Follow me on Twitter.
  • Must be willing to work nights and weekends. Saturday and Sunday mornings after the news shows tend to be busy.  

Dining tables and chairs $500 each

Chairs and tables can be broken up individually. Some light wear on the chairs, otherwise in good condition, but not gold. 

Joshua Roberts / Reuters

 So, that job listing …

  • It’s important that you’re good at holding information. For instance, the sale of these items. No need to blab about it to everyone.
  • Can’t be taller than me.
  • If you need to meet with me and I have to use stairs, you’re fired.
  • One day a week, you’ll be expected to take a turn guarding the nuclear button from me. A few times a day I get very frustrated with a foreign leader, a celebrity who says mean stuff about me, or spilling soda on my tie and I run to push that button. 

Ugly but very comfy couch $300, firm

This couch has seen better days, but has been sat on by a lot of very famous and influential people. Many wars started from this couch!

(Children pictured are not for sale. If you need some cheap child labor though, we can speak on that when you come for the couch.)

Pool via Getty Images

 Oh, right, the job listing …

  • Legally change Reince Priebus’ name to something easier.
  • Take care of Bannon’s gambling debts.
  • You must watch “Fox & Friends” every morning, so that you understand why I make the decisions I do. 
  • Find Mike Pence and Kellyanne Conway for me. I haven’t seem them in months.
  • Finding Obama’s birth certificate must still be a top priority, second perhaps only to maintaining a steady stock of Make America Great Again hats.

Beautiful wood office desk $75, as-is

Nice old desk, but with new desk smell. Sturdy, not from IKEA. Pretty heavy, so bring another person! You can have any files or items you find inside.

SAUL LOEB via Getty Images

 **All items are cash and carry! Items not sold will be left on curb near Washington monument**

This Uncomfortable Video Of A Clam Will Irreversibly Change You

“A video of a clam?” you might be asking if you clicked and made it this far. “How exciting can that possibly be? Do those bivalves even move?”

Yes. God yes, they do. More than most non-clam-diggers can ever guess, based on this viral video of a clam uploaded by Oregon fly fishing guide Kate Taylor last month and resurfaced by The Weather Channel on Wednesday.

The Weather Channel posted almost nothing about the spectacle on Facebook, other than calling it a “bizarre video of a clam digging in sand.” That’s accurate, but a little lacking.

As a result, there’s now a fierce debate raging in the Facebook comments over whether the reckless mollusk is a razor clam or a geoduck.

In case you were wondering, a geoduck is not a type of Pokemon, but actually a terrifying-looking creature that is pronounced “gooey duck” and looks like this:

The Evergreen State College/Wikipedia

However, Taylor specified on YouTube that her be-shelled star is indeed a razor clam. Though totally incapable of moving horizontally, Pacific razor clams have the ability to dig vertically up to a foot a minute, according to the Oregon Department of Fish and Wildlife

People also commonly dig them up and eat them. But somehow, we just aren’t hungry after watching this.

Porn Star Molly Cavalli Accused Of Faking Shark Attack For Viral Glory

A porn star is arousing controversy for a video that purports to show her being bitten by a shark.

Actress Molly Cavalli, 35, claims in a YouTube description that she stuck her foot out of a shark cage while filming an underwater video off the coast of Florida and was bitten by a lemon shark. The summary of the video, viewed more than 14 million times since it was posted May 2. says she needed 20 stitches.

But some people say the bite is a hoax.

Bryce Rohrer, owner and operator of Florida Shark Diving, told the Palm Beach Post that Cavalli and her film crew contacted him two months ago about doing a shark dive and faking an on-camera injury.

“I was talking directly to Molly and she just said, ‘Hey, we are looking to do a shoot faking a shark bite and it’s strictly in order for it to go viral,’” Rohrer said. “We immediately declined. We are pro-shark, pro-wildlife, and want to show the importance of sharks, not villainize them.”

Another boating company took the gig.

This is what the purported bite looked like on camera. The video doesn’t actually show the moment when the shark supposedly sank its teeth into Cavalli.

YouTubecom

“I can tell you for a fact, it was not a shark bite,” George Burgess, keeper of the International Shark Attack File, told the Palm Beach Post. “How it was inflicted is conjectural, but the main thing is, the injury is not a shark bite. It was a PR stunt, and it worked.”

Florida Atlantic University shark researcher Stephen Kajiura told the paper a wound that deep should have multiple parallel slashes from teeth, not a single slash.

“It makes more sense that she was cut on the side of the cage, then blamed the sharks for the publicity,” Kajiura said.

Camsoda, the adult film company that made the video, didn’t respond to HuffPost inquiries. 

Meanwhile, the Adult Performers Actors Guild, a union for porn stars, released a statement saying it looks like Camsoda may be guilty of “numerous filming violations,” including failing to have a special stunt permit, medical staff, safety equipment and a licensed diving instructor on the set.

“While we do not intend to censor their creative ideas, general laws for health safety of our performers must be followed,” the actors guild statement said.

United tries to join in with viral nugget tweet, gets savagely roasted

It’s not a good year for United, as everyone knows, and even their genuine PR attempts to get their reputation back up are being mocked relentlessly.

In April, Carter Wilkerson went on a mission to achieve 18 million retweets in order to get a year’s supply of Wendy’s chicken nuggets and United offered him a free flight. 

When the teenager made history with the most retweeted tweet of all time, the airline thought it was a good idea to jump on the bandwagon and remind him of the deal:

Naturally, people were not having it: 

United Airlines came under fire after a video of a man being forcibly removed from an overbooked flight surfaced online

The company was earlier criticised for banning two girls wearing leggings from a flight.

In the last PR disaster, a giant rabbit named Simon died on a United London-to-Chicago flight. 

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Badass grandma quits job with brutally blunt notice letter

Everyone who’s ever worked in a bad job will have dreamed of handing in a notice letter like this one.

Not many people are as brave as Marlene, though.

On Wednesday, Kaitlyn McGrory from Glasgow, Scotland, shared a picture of what she claims is the letter her grandmother handed in when leaving her job.

“Yee Ha”.

Obviously we have no way of proving that Marlene’s letter isn’t just a glorious fabrication — McGrory could always have typed the thing herself for sweet, sweet internet points after all (we’ve reached out to her on Twitter and will update this article if we receive a response).

We like to think that Marlene’s letter is the real deal, though, and that even now she’s out there somewhere in Glasgow, being a total badass.

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Woman does solo wedding shoot after she finds out she has terminal cancer

Image: may q chen/facebook

When she was younger, 27-year-old Q May Chen always dreamt of what her wedding photoshoot would look like.

But she was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer before she could find a partner with whom to make that dream a reality.

Undeterred, she decided to fulfil her wish anyway — by herself.

Image: Q May chen/facebook

Image: Q MAY CHEN/FACEBOOK

Image: Q MAY CHEN/FACEBOOK

Chen, who is from Taiwan, was first diagnosed with stage two breast cancer in 2013. 

She was declared cancer-free after receiving treatment, but two years later, she received bad news, that she cancer was back — and had worsened to stage four.

So for her birthday last year, Chen decided to make the photoshoot happen. 

Image: Q MAY CHEN/FACEBOOK

Image: Q MAY CHEN/FACEBOOK

“When I was younger, I loved to dress up and always hoped that I would one day be able to do my own wedding shoot when I got married,” Chen told news outlet BuzzFeed.

“And so I waited, but then I got sick again…that was when I finally decided that this was something I needed to do.”

Chen adds that she will travel to Bali with her mum for a “honeymoon” later on this year.

“I couldn’t have known that stage four cancer was waiting for me, but I’m making the most of the limited time we all have,” she said.

Mashable has reached out to Q May Chen for comment.

[H/T: BuzzFeed News]

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Paranormal investigator ‘lures ghost into camera trap’ – the result is terrifying

The US-based man, who blurs his identity in investigative videos he uploads to the Fantastic Daily YouTube channel, claims to have caught a so-called “Black Eyed Kid” on video in his own home after setting a trap to lure them to his remote property.

Black Eyed Kids have been an urban legend, mainly in the US, since the 1990s.

They are said to resemble pale-skinned children with jet black eyes, that have been accused of carrying out abductions.

Paranormal researchers speculate they are ghosts, evil spirits, or even aliens or vampires.

The investigator says in a promotional blurb for the video: “Over an hour of BEK activity captured on video! 

“You’ve heard the stories, I found proof. I’m in touch with other paranormal researchers, and together we’ve been mapping data from black eyed kid encounters. 

“For a long time now I’ve believed that they must have a language all their own. 

“I was finally able to isolate a low-frequency signal that appeared in the background of tonnes of my evidence.

“I played the frequency every night for a week, eventually succeeding in my efforts to lure a black eyed kid into my camera trap.”

In the video uploaded to YouTube, the investigator said he tried to lure black eyed kids to his home by playing a static noise which he claims is said to be present when black eyed kid sightings have happened.

He had a camera running at the same time at night in his property over several nights.

On the fifth night he claims to have captured footage showing a clear being inside his property for an hour.

The head and neck of what resembles a long-haired teenager is visible on camera.

It stands and peers around the room, before turning and vanishing.

The man said he awoke soon after due to hearing movement outside his property.

He says in the video: “Whoever, or whatever that is, it stood there for over an hour before disappearing.

“That’s when I happened to wake up because I heard someone walking around outside.”

He is seen reviewing the footage ion the video saying: “I can’t believe that worked – that’s a real black eyed kid, that’s a real f***ing black eyed kid.”

Fantastic Daily claims to be a genuine investigative channel, and claims to debunk other alleged footage of Black Eyed Kids as fake.

Viewers of his video had mixed views with some commending his bravery, and others saying it was a hoax.

One YouTube poster with the username Tito said: “So on the second night the light switch didn’t make any noise when the light came on, but on the fifth night there was a loud click when the light came on. The kid also wasn’t moving when the light came on.”

But, another called Mileena K added: “I think those ‘kids’ are really alien hybrids.

“They are fully loaded with radiation, it can’t hurt them but it can kill us, I don’t think they are good, I think they want to exterminate us.”

Sceptics believe the legend is just an urban myth that has multiplied on the internet with hoax eyewitness accounts breeding more.

Other explanations, are teens purposefully wearing black contact lenses to scare people, or the the condition mydriasis (dilation of the pupils), which can be caused by drugs or trauma.

In an article on the debunking website skeptoid.com, science writer Brian Dunning wrote: “So until someone dive-tackles a black eyed kid and calls the police, or lets one into his home and gives him a good video interview, I’m going to hold off buying into this particular urban legend.”

Triangle UFO mystery: Sightings of bizarre craft continue baffling investigators

The unnamed person claims to have seen two large triangle-shaped objects hovering above Savanah in Georgia, USA, at 9.45pm.

They reported what they saw to the Mutual UFO Network (MUFON) which is investigating the phenomenon, revealed by Express.co.uk last December.

MUFON’s global database of UFO sightings receives hundreds of similar reports each year, with numbers seemingly on the rise.

The reports are often eerily similar, leading to speculation the bizarre UFOs could be REAL.

Many reports tell of a silent triangle shape, defined by a series of lights, that are said to be in some cases as big as a football field, moving slowly across the sky.

The new sighting took place on April 25.

In a report to MUFON, the witness, who was driving back from Tybee Island with a roommate, said: “I was sitting in the passenger seat, looking out of the window.

“We were headed south on East Broad when I saw two very large, triangular crafts hovering above the city. 

“They were very dark (dark grey to black) in colour. 

“They were covered in large, round white lights. 

“The crafts were parallel to each other and perpendicular to the ground. 

“The widest part of the triangle was closest to the ground with the top pointing upward. 

“They stayed stationary. I saw them above the city, fairly low, flying for any sort of air traffic.”

The most infamous mass triangle UFO sighting was the Phoenix Lights incident of March 13 1997 over Arizona.

Five lights in a formation were seen by thousands of people over three hours from 7.30pm to 10.30pm.

The sightings took place a cross a 300-mile area from Phoenix to Tucson.

It was blamed by officials as military flares at the time.

Another mysterious case was the Belgian UFO wave from November 1989. 

Thirty different groups of witnesses and three groups of police officers reported seeing on November 29 a large object flying at low altitude. 

The craft was described as “flat, of triangular shape, with lights underneath”, and being silent as it slowly moved across Belgium towards the Netherlands and Germany.

Some alien hunters believe they are the motherships of extraterrestrials visiting Earth.

However, many conspiracy theorists believe they are actually secret aircrafts developed by the US Air Force (USAF) which are being tested.

The TR-3B is alleged by conspiracy theorists to be a secret “black project” spy craft of the US Government that can be flown into space.

The allegations are that these crafts are created at top-secret military bases like Area 51 in Nevada, by reverse engineering alien technology.

Earlier this month Express.co.uk revealed how Steve Bassett, a prominent UFO disclosure lobbyist in the US, believes that many triangle UFOs could have been secretly built by the US using technology recovered from crashed flying saucers.

MUFON is investigating the latest case.

MYSTERY PLANET: The truth about the strange ‘Nibiru’ seen next to the sun

There were even news headlines an “earth sized blue planet” had been captured on camera.

Some online viewers of the video, which was uploaded to YouTube by Dill Martin, who says he often analyses planet sightings, speculate it was one one of seven newly-discovered “Earth-sized planets” which NASA revealed details of earlier this year.

Others suggested it could even be the legendary Nibiru or Planet X, about to make a close pass of the earth which would signal our doom.

Conspiracists and UFO seekers have been claiming for years a mysterious huge celestial body called Planet X or Nibiru was hidden away in our solar system, on such an orbit that it passes close to Earth every few thousand years.

And the size of the planet and its gravitational pull is so big that it causes havoc on Earth by trigger earthquakes and volcanoes as it passes, the claim states.

The theory was bolstered in January 2016 when NASA announced the discovery of a Planet Nine hidden in our solar system that is about 10 times bigger than the Earth

But Express.co.uk can reveal the new video is all a fuss about nothing.

The additional orbs in the image are just lens flares, so there was nothing else next to the sun at the time the footage was recorded.

Lens flares happen when light refracts inside the camera lens and then gets reflected back onto the image produced, making it appear as if something that was not there is.

The clip was filmed in Cleveland, Texas, at around 9.20am on March 14.

It had earlier been reported how “incredible footage showed the sun burning brightly, but on closer inspection a mysterious sphere can be seen floating next to it”.

One website said: “The glowing object – which has a blue hue – stays fixed to the side of the sun and never leaves before the video ends.”

It was claimed there were similar sightings in Canada, Italy, Slovakia, Mexico and Brazil.

One viewer posted: “Nice video. The truth is out there.”

But, others were on to it being just lens flare from the start.

One wrote sarcastically: “Two lens flares from two suns! Wow!”

Another believed it was just a fake video, adding: “I have my doubts. The ‘lens flare’ is far too clearly defined and bright.

“I doubt the authenticity.”

Ricky Bartlett, who filmed the video, has uploaded a more recent clip showing the same effect, amid claims something paranormal is going on.

But, the reason is just that lens flares are likely when the camera is pointed directly at the sun, due to the amount of light flooding into the lens.

Scott Brando, forensically examines UFO and paranormal videos and footage to look for the explanation before putting them on website ufoofinterest.org.

He said: “It’s an ‘offset lens reflection’.”

Similar videos have also been examined by Mick West of the metabunk.org website.

He said: “A popular video claims to show an object in the sky that resembles a “second sun”. 

“However analysis of the video proves that what is shown is an offset lens reflection of the Sun itself. 

“There is nothing else in the sky. 

“We can see this quite clearly if we stabilise the video so the background is fixed. 

“We can then see the reflection moving with the camera motion.”

Scientists Just Found Out Narwhals Hunt And Stab Fish With Their Giant Tusks

If you’re unfamiliar, narwhals, also known as “unicorns of the sea” (no, we’re not kidding), are whales that live in Arctic waters and have one massive defining characteristic: they have giant tusks.

Or, rather, the males do. They look like this:

CoreyFord via Getty Images

But researchers from Fisheries and Oceans Canada have discovered male narwhals will herd arctic cod, get super close and then “hard tap” them with their tusks to stun them. The narwhals then suck their prey into their mouths and have themselves a meal.

SAVAGE, RIGHT?!

The narwhal’s tusk has long been a mystery to scientists. There have been hypotheses that the porous horn acts like a sensor.

“Having all those nerves on the outside allows the whale to detect water pressure, temperature and salinity. It might even be able to detect barometric pressure when it’s above the water’s surface. However, if the tusk is so important to survival, why don’t females have one? We don’t know,” says How Stuff Works.

There have also been guesses that the tusk is used to duel and establish dominance or that it has to do with mating.

However, none of those theories have actually been observed by scientists, which is why the above video depicting the narwhals using the tusks for food is so intriguing.

Knowing how the tusks are used by the animals will also help scientists figure out how to better protect them from extinction.

Nature is so cool. Long live narwhals.